Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Making The Most Out Of Your 5th Grade Education(Drugs Just Say Maybe Later)
I recently watched an episode of "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader" if you have never seen this show save your self the trouble. I hate being the one to spoil the ending, but rest assured even if you have a PHD from Harvard you are not smarter than these 5th graders. I'm not sure what rock they pulled these twisted little geeks from under, but somebody needs to put em' back. I spent a week in serious depression over the fact that these little kids make Alex Tribec look retarded and me look like someone who just had an elective self induced lobotomy. After 2 weeks and a 1/2 gallon of Sailor Jerry Rum it finally dawned on me like a 1000 watt klieg light. When I was a 5th grader I knew everything too. I am now a solid 50 and would like to impart some wisdom onto the younger generation. Of all the things I have witnessed and learned over the last 50yrs the only lesson worth passing on is "Don't overlook the power of the afternoon nap".Kingdoms may rise and fall, love-money-jobs-wives may come and go, but the power of an afternoon nap is consistant. Lets face it house-cats and Mexico got this one right, the former has 9 lives and the latter is home to a happy bunch of people who gave the world tequila. We as a race tend to look at this upside down. When I was younger I foolishly believed the afternoon nap was needed to recuperate from a wild night of drinking and carousing. At age 50 I realise that at a youthful age we have too much energy and the drinking and carousing were needed to get an afternoon nap. I have practiced plenty and can now enjoy an afternoon siesta with a minimal amount of drinking and almost no carousing. With a little luck and a lot of practice by age 60 I may be able to eliminate drinking and carousing all-together reaching a zen like ability to afternoon nap at will.My wife on the other hand suffers from an inability to enjoy afternoon naps. I tried to get her to seek out a cure for this malady. Sadly an inability to siesta(or for that matter fiesta)is not covered under our insurance policy. Brave trooper that she is will try to cover up her affliction by casting aspersions torwards me. She sometimes in a fit of pure frustration will call me lazy. Poor thing on those rare occasions when I actually wake up to hear her. I pray that God will find it in his heart to cure her, or at least give her the strength to finish mowing the yard. Its not really her fault most people from a tender age are mistakenly taught to work hard, be ambitious, and keep your nose to the grindstone.The greatest inventions in the world are made because someone was lazy. Alexander Grahm Bell got tired of getting up from his desk to tell Watson come here, so he invented the telephone. Later Mr. Push got tired of dialing the phone and added his button. Henry Ford was tired of hitching up a team of horses to the carriage and invented the horseless carriage. People in general got tired of spelling horseless carriage and justed started to spell car. Two bicycle makers from Ohio named Wilbur and Orville because thier mom wasn't Wright were tired of pedaling all the way to the airport, so they invented the airplane. Even America was discovered by Christopher Columbus looking for an easier way to get to India bumped into America by accident. Then rather than go look for the correct way to India figured he would just put New York here, after all who would know the Queen never leaves Spain. If all that is not proof enough of how valuable laziness is just mention "The Clapper" and lazy men everywhere swoon at the pure genius of it.So Mr. smarty pants 5th grader when you finish highschool or college and go out into the working world. During the job interview find out just how much nap time is included with the new job. Sure you may get turned away a time or two, but hang in there and think how happy you will be when some employer somewhere says welcome aboard we nap here from 2-4 go home at 5. I mean thats the real deal isn't it? We pretend to dilligently work hard 8hrs a day, and the Company pretends to pay us a decent wage and act like a $1.00 an hour raise might break the company. Good Luck 2 All!